Brothers In Arms

NGC604 Nebula, The Triangulum Galaxy

Babies In Hell

Over on Premier, a christian named Todd was asked the following question by Lee:

"Do babies go to Hell BTW? Will they be tortured?"

Todd's reply (emphasis mine):

"I don't know. I'm sure it's case-by-case. You fail to consider that for God, yesterday, today and tomorrow are all 'right now'. If they do, then God must have a very good reason for allowing it."

That's right. Apparently, if God sentences babies to be tortured for all eternity, there has to be a very good reason for it. But what might that be, I asked. The answer:

"To eradicate evil once and for all, eternally. (this is the reason)"

There are few words to describe how disgusting this notion is. This guy reckons that babies, guilty of nothing except being born (according to Christian beliefs) will be tortured for all eternity so that evil can be eradicated. And this, from a supposedly all-loving, perfectly good God.

Where is the justice in that? The morality? There is none.

This is where blind religious faith leads you: to abhorrent notions like the one above. Babies are wicked, sinful creatures. We all are. We are all destined to be tortured for eternity unless we repent and believe in a god for which there is no evidence, save only for subjective assertions mirrored by the claims of all the other competing religions. Make the wrong choice, or have the misfortune to be born in the wrong part of the world, and you'll be damned for all eternity.

Along with all the dead babies.

But God is love, folks!

Sickening.

Zombie! Aarrgghh!

Music

Sometimes you come across particular songs that are really moving, and you can't put your finger on why. Something about them seems to speak to something inside you, that part of yourself that finds beauty and charm in the strangest places. So it is with me and the music below.

It's the soundtrack to the film Moon, which I went to see in London a few months back. It's one of those rare soundtracks that complements the film perfectly, with almost no dissonance at all. But even listening to it by itself is immensely enjoyable.

Tracks one and five are particularly good. In track one you pick up on a certain piano refrain that is repeated throughout many of the tracks. It's hard to put my finger on why I like it so much, but I really do.

Apologies for the introspective babble, but I'm in that kind of mood. I defy you to listen to the music and not be moved.

Random Musical Interlude 31

Divenire, by Ludovico Einaudi. Just discovered this guy's work; it's very good indeed.

Tournamental

Last Sunday I attended my second tournament since starting Taekwondo- the Imperial Taekwondo Association English championships, held in Reading.

In case you're wondering about my first; suffice it to say that doesn't really count. It was incredibly badly organised, and after eight hours of waiting I, along with several others who were waiting to compete, got fed up and went home. Plus I was sick that day, and I'm told I went from pale to an interesting shade of yellow over the course of the day. Not a lot of fun.

Anyway, this year's event was much better organised, mainly because it was spread over two days with the children under 13 and the "veterans" over 35 competing on the Saturday. I went along with my friend Bob and another guy from our TKD class. Bob and myself got up before six in the morning, so suffice it to say the journey down to Reading wasn't notable for witty banter and intellectually stimulating conversation.

Bob was entered for patterns, sparring and breaking; whereas I myself, through a combination of possible laziness and lack of confidence in the footwork for my patterns, opted for the sparring alone. I had to wait about four hours to compete, but didn't mind very much as there's always plenty to watch at a TKD tournament.

Eventually my sparring category was called up. We were all divided by weight into several groupings: light, medium, heavy and hyper-weight. There was a micro-weight category, but nobody fell into that- perhaps unsurprising since any male between the ages of 18-34 is unlikely to weigh below 54 kilos unless they've recently suffered a debilitating illness.

I was classed as light (I know, who would have thought it). There were three other guys in my group, one of whom goes to the same class as I do. It was my fervent hope that we wouldn't end up sparring, since I knew he could beat me (!). My first opponent was a grade lower than me (so a blue tag), about my age or slightly younger.

This is where it gets a bit vague, since a lot of what I did during the actual fighting is a bit of a blur. I definitely remember knocking the guy down at least five times, once with a reverse heel kick that caught him on the jaw, the other times with punches to the face and once with a side kick, I think. Several times I drove the guy back and got him out of the ring, which is what you're supposed to try and do if you can. But a lot of stuff I don't really remember. Martin (the guy from Bedford in my category) told me afterwards that I'd done a beautiful side kick, punch, back kick combination, and my response was: I did?

Anyway.

I beat the first guy pretty decisively and went on to the next round. For his first round Martin sparred the remaining guy, a red belt who was built like a boxer and apparently started out as one. Martin lost, unfortunately, the red belt kept dodging and he didn't really get going as a result.

So, onto the final. I was slightly more nervous of this opponent, as I had just seen him win against a guy I've trained with for years. He was a tougher fight, and caught me with a nice shot to the nose at one point. On the plus side, it reminded me to keep my guard up. He was shorter than me and I'm leg-oriented anyway, so I got into the habit of kicking him, going in for a punch or two then dodging the inevitable counter. That's my usual technique anyway, given how light I am I'm usually going to come off worse in a brawl.

The round lasted two minutes, and by the last thirty seconds I was ahead on points, so stood there for ten seconds waiting for him to make a move. After that I got slightly impatient and went on the attack, which worked out in my favour as he was pretty tired by that point.

The end result:


So, all in all, a pretty good tournament. I'll definitely be going back next year.

Six Months In Jail for Neumann Parents

Sky News (I know, I know, but this was the first article I could find) reports that sentence has been passed on the parents of Madeline Neumann.

Madeline was an eleven year old girl who fell ill with an undiagnosed but treatable form of diabetes. Instead of taking her to seek medical attention, her parents opted for that other credible alternative: praying. Her condition worsened, to the point that she could not longer speak or move. The response of her mother and father? Continue to pray, and invite some people round for a prayer group.

Madeline died, of course. One of the prayer group called 911 after she stopped breathing, which was nice of them I suppose, although why this person didn't think to call the authorities when they saw the state this little girl was in is a mystery to me.

In any case, the parents have been sentenced.

Six months in jail each.

That's right. Six. Months.

They're not even serving it continuously. The judge has deemed that they should serve one month a year for the next six years. A powerful punishment indeed. And the reason behind this judge's sadistic and cruel sentencing?

"so they can "think about Kara and what God wants you to learn from this"."

What a brilliant idea from the judge. This will certainly ensure that the parents learn their lesson, and in future try getting their children treated with actual medicine instead of speaking words to empty air and wishing really, really hard. And since when are judges in the business of passing sentences based on what they think their God wants the defendants to learn? Shouldn't they be more concerned with something else.....what is it now.....oh, yes.

THE LAW.

"Leilani Neumann said: "I do not regret trusting truly in the Lord for my daughter's health. Did we know she had a fatal illness? No. Did we act to the best of our knowledge? Yes.""

No, you did not act to the best of your knowledge you cretinous fool! You stood there and watched her die!

Clearly these two have learned their lesson.

Let's hope that none of their three remaining children ever get sick.

And this little pearl of wisdom to finish on:

"Marathon County Circuit Court Judge Vincent Howard, sentencing, said the Neumanns were "very good people raising their family, who made a bad decision, a reckless decision"."

No shit, your honour.

From the sound of things, I wouldn't trust this guy to judge a dog show, let alone cases like this. They made a "reckless decision". No, Judge Howard. They made a series of reckless decisions, one right after the other as their child's health grew worse and worse. Their irresponsibility cost their daughter her life.

Good people? No sir. Not by a long shot.

New Tyrannosaur Discovered

Science Daily reports on the discovery of a new member of the Tyrannosaur family; a smaller, nimbler dinosaur compared to the titanic Tyrannosaurus Rex that we're all familiar with. A very interesting article. Tyrannosaurs have always been one of my favourite dinosaur types, there seems to have been much more variety among them than was thought.

The Holy Spirit

Patronising Platitudes

The following comment was left for me over at the Premier site:

"God gave you a good brain. Maybe you could look at the New Testament and try to discover who Jesus is rather than massage your own ego? Don't waste your life in trying to dissuade others in their belief in God or His creation, discover the Creator for yourself and get real value out of your life and talents. Eternity is serious business!"

What a patronising little homily, made all the worse by the fact that the person who sent this probably believes that she's doing a good thing.

God gave me a good brain, she claims, but then criticises my attempt to use it (by questioning religious beliefs) as massaging my own ego. What she doesn't seem to consider is that I've read the New Testament. It's not remotely convincing, nor are any of the religious arguments I've heard so far.

"Real value out of my life and talents". As if I don't have that anyway, or can only get it through believing in a god. I take the view that trying to learn things is a pretty valuable thing in itself, and as far as I'm concerned my life has plenty of value; value that would only be reduced by ignoring the evidence in favour of wishful thinking.

Eternity isn't serious business; life is. It's fun, too.

Letter To The Editor: The Sequel

I had the distinct displeasure of coming across another letter advocating intelligent design in my local newspaper this morning. Since said newspaper doesn't seem to believe in the importance of keeping an up to date website, I'm reproducing the letter below. Response to come later today.

----------

One can easily understand the alarm caused to local humanist Charles Baily by a survey showing 60 per cent of local people are aware of the evidence for intelligent design in the universe (Opinions, August 27).

It was, after all, such scientific evidence that caused Professor Antony Flew, once dubbed "the world's most notorious atheist" to convert from his atheistic beliefs to a belief in the existence of a God.

As examples of the failure of intelligent design arguments Mr Baily claims that with regard to the eye "Darwin disposed of that".

Darwin was too great and too careful a scientist to have made the claim that Mr Baily does. Darwin does ask others to share his belief that the eye could appear by natural selection but did not provide the statistical and probability evidence required to support that claim.

Mr Baily also then uses the judgement of a US court to dismiss other evidence of intelligent origin. Not, I notice, a scientific judgement but that of a court of law. Sorry Mr Baily- case not proven.

----------

My response:

A Rome (Opinions October 1st) claims that it is the “evidence for intelligent design in the universe” that lead Professor Antony Flew to convert to belief in the existence of a God. It is worth pointing out that the god Flew believes in is a deistic god, and in no way the god of Christianity (the Designer as far as many ID advocates areconcerned).

He also claims that Darwin failed to provide statistical and probability evidence to support the evolution of the eye. Hardly surprising, since Darwin was not a mathematician. What he did provide was an entire chapter of evidence in his book. The eye has been the subject of much study since then, and the evolution of its many variants are well understood. I assume that A Rome’s mentioning probabilities is a means of suggesting that the eye is too improbable to have evolved. This is incorrect, given the billions of years that evolution has been acting upon life, coupled with the evidence from the fossil record and molecular genetics.

In respect of his comments on the US court judgement: the plaintiff’s case drew upon testimony from evolutionary biologists, philosophers of science and a wealth of scientific evidence.

The evidence for evolution is overwhelming. In attempting to shoehorn their chosen deity in somehow, ID advocates choose to ignore most of this in favour of cherry-picking what they think is “evidence” for their position. Such claims do not stand up to scrutiny.

It is to be hoped that more people will come to realise that fact once they are exposed to the evidence for evolution.

Random Musical Interlude 30

Highway to Hell, by AC/DC.

Fix

The following is a short story I just submitted to a competition being run on a fanfic website, the word limit is 1,000. Since it is a fanfic site, there are a few references that might confuse people not familiar with the universe in question, but hopefully it doesn't detract from the story itself. The theme of the competition is "Desperation".

Fix

(989 Words)

She had barely put up a fight.

That was the strangest thing of all, the fact that he couldn't seem to get his head around, no matter how long he thought about it or what angle he approached the idea from.

Even as his hands had closed around her throat and his thumbs pressed themselves tightly into her windpipe, she had simply stared at him. It was as if she simply couldn't believe that such a thing could be happening to her, that she could be assaulted in such a way. It took almost half a minute for her survival instincts to kick in and for her to grasp desperately at his hands, fighting to loosen their grip. He had leaned closer, close enough that he could see himself reflected in her eyes: skin unhealthily pale, hair lank and greasy and as for the eyes.....

Maybe that was why he had started screaming at her.

It had taken a long time for her to die. After a while he had shut his eyes so he didn't see her, but there was nothing he could do to stop the choked, rasping gargles she made from reaching his ears. Now, every time he actually managed to sleep, he heard those sounds over and over again in his dreams. He sometimes thought he heard them in his waking hours too. There were times, increasingly frequent now, when he no longer knew what was real and what a product of his addled imagination.

But there was nothing that he could do about that. He would have to find a way to live with it, for as long as he could.

When finally the retching sounds of her agonisingly drawn-out strangulation had finally stopped, he had let her fall to the floor like a discarded toy. For a long time he had just stared at her, eyes taking in every detail with a morbid fascination that he had been repulsed by but unable to gainsay. Only the overwhelming compulsion finally drove him to act.

Moving quickly, hands shaking involuntarily with a mixture of fear, excitement and withdrawal, he had searched her, stripping her of anything valuable that the dealer would take as payment. The credits in her purse. Her ring. It wasn't like she'd needed that anyway, its other half was lost forever, probably still on its owner's hand, in the middle of a pile of corpses on some Emperor-forsaken world. He had been so angry when she had refused to let him have it.

It was her fault that it had happened, if she'd given him the damn ring then he wouldn't have had to do what he had done. Didn't she realise how much he needed it? So what if it was her last connection to her dead husband? Not wearing it wouldn't make him any less dead, would it?

Damn her for forcing him to do it!

After that he had headed into the depths of the hive, looking for the dealer. He was usually to be found outside a run-down bar owned by a former Arbites who had been kicked out for being a little too keen to use force. He knew that for an Arbiter to be actually expelled for that, the guy must have done some seriously bad things. Because of this fact, he made a point of never actually going in the place. That, and the hired muscle guarding the door never let him in anyway.

But the dealer hadn't been there.

He'd waited for hours, pacing back and forth, keeping a safe distance from the bar so its guard wouldn't take too much of an unhealthy interest in him. With every agonising second that had ticked past, he felt more and more like he was on the verge of exploding with frustration, his twitching and shaking getting steadily worse as time passed. The few passers-by had given him a wide berth, some spitting in his direction. A couple of gangers had eyed him briefly, but had obviously decided from his appearance that he wouldn't have anything worth stealing.

Then finally, finally, the dealer had arrived, swaggering along like he was the frakking Emperor himself. He hadn't been able to contain himself, as soon as he saw the dealer he'd practically sprinted towards the man, yelling something he couldn't remember and which probably hadn't made sense anyway. Only when the dealer's two guards had each drawn an autopistol and aimed it at him did his much-abused survival instincts finally kick in, and he'd stopped.

It hadn't taken long. The dealer had quickly taken the ring and credits, offering enough narc for several days in return. The whole time, he'd worn an expression of disgust, like he was dealing with a mutie or something equally repellent.

Thinking back, that angered him. What right did the dealer have to react that way, to make him feel bad like that? Didn't he realise it was his responsibility? If the dealer hadn't sold him the drugs to begin with, then things could have been so different.

Now he was sitting on the edge of his bed, his trembling hands and blurred vision making filling the needle with liquid narc a slow and frustrating process. After what seemed like hours it was finally full. Carefully he put the lid back on the vial of narc and placed it to one side. It wouldn't be long before he would need it again, it never was.

He tensed his arm until a vein finally appeared, and pushed the needle in. He injected the narc, and let out a tremendous sigh of relief as he saw the needle slowly empty itself.
Only then did he glance up, and really look at the body lying slumped in the corner, in the same position he had left her.

"Sorry mum", he said, smiling as the narc began to kick in, "I'll bury you tomorrow. I swear".

God Outside of Space and Time?

I've started a discussion over at the Premier site, let's see if I get any responses to this little quandary:

Here's a query about an aspect of religious belief that I'm hoping some of the theistic contributors on here will help me make sense of.

It's claimed that God exists outside of space and time. This is why he is able to know everything that has happened and will ever happen, and is able to see everything that is going on in the universe all at once. In other words, it explains his omnipresence and omniscience, along with some other things too, probably. At the risk of sounding slightly cheeky, it also explains why science is never able to detect the smallest trace of God, no matter how hard it looks.... :-)

The problem with God existing outside of space and time however is this: it would make it logically impossible for God to ever interact with the universe.

Think about it: the universe is spatiotemporal. For God to act within it would make him temporal too. But how can a non-temporal being act in a temporal universe? It is a logical contradiction. A being cannot be both temporal and non-temporal at the same time, only one or the other.

But suppose a believer were to respond: well, God is both temporal and non-temporal. That makes no sense, unfortunately. How would the temporal part of God be able to interact with the non-temporal part? Non-temporality would make God unchanging, not subject to the cause and effect of time. So if the temporal part of God were to intervene in the universe and change something, how would the non-temporal part of himself find out about it? What kind of barrier would have to exist within God to allow temporal and non-temporal parts to co-exist?

Finally, to those who claim that God does not have to worry about what is and isn't logical, I simply ask this: can God create a rock so heavy that he cannot lift it?

Centaurus A

Another galaxy with an active supermassive black hole at its core.

NGC 4945

A neighbouring spiral galaxy, seen side-on. More fascinating detail to be found here.

The Flaws Of Evolution

Below is a draft of a letter I intend to submit to one of my local newspapers, after reading a letter last night written by a creationist laying out the "flaws" in evolution. Any comments or suggested alterations?

Sir-

I was very interested to read in your letters page of 3rd September about the “fundamental flaws” of evolution, as detailed by Brian Burke. It was unsurprising, however, that the so-called flaws he stated are in fact nothing of the kind.

Let’s leave aside for a moment the fact that evolution deals with the diversification and changes within life over time, whereas the transition from non-life to life is actually the province of abiogenesis. Scientists are investigating how life got started right now, and there are several competing theories. However, it is possible that we may never know exactly how life got started. Even so, “God did it” is not an answer, simply a faith-based assertion with no evidence to support it.

The claim about “increasing information” is a version of the creationist view that more genetic information is required for one species to change into another. This is not necessarily the case, there are many examples of alterations following no information gain or even loss. (Incidentally, I wonder how Mr Burke defines information?) There are species of newt with greater genome capacity than humanity, is Mr Burke suggesting that they are therefore more advanced than us? However, it is not the quantity of the information that counts, but how much of it is useful, and how it is expressed. The expression is dictated by natural selection, based on the environment in which the organism exists.

In any case there are many mechanisms of increasing information; gene duplication is one of them.

The roots of conscience and morality can be found within our evolutionary heritage. We can observe examples of the golden rule at work in the behaviour of primate groups today, small groups with members mostly related to one another. The exact kind of group that early humans would have existed within. As we increased in intelligence, so did the capacity for and complexity of our social interactions, and human morality evolved in tandem with that.

As for Mr Burke’s comments about the supposed global Flood- there are so many flaws with this idea that I don’t have space to mention them all. Suffice it to say that every piece of “evidence” creationists have offered in support of this theory has not stood up to even the most shallow scrutiny.

The theory of evolution has the weight of overwhelming evidence in its favour and enormous predictive power, predictions that have been verified time and time again. Creationism has nothing to support it but blind faith.

Energy Eggs

I was randomly trawling through the website of the "psychic and clairvoyant" Paul the Seer when I came across this little gem. One among many examples of the bizarre pseudo-science and outright magical thinking that pervades the psychic money-making industry, but a good one nonetheless. (Incidentally, it turns out that his customer services department is about five buildings down from my workplace- spooky).

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: the Energy Egg.

What's that? It doesn't look like much? You couldn't be more wrong, you sceptical product of blinkered Western science. It turns out that this innocuous-looking crystal egg is actually a revolutionary product, capable of reinvigorating a person's energy fields and possibly giving them the power of flight.

Okay, not the last option.

Let's look at what kind of claims are made about the little egg. Quoted information is taken either directly from the energy egg website or Paul the Seer's ("the Seer" is apparently his last name) shop page (you'll have to click on Energy Egg under the Environmental category to see it).

"The human energy or "qi" field is shaped like an egg. It is being attacked by many forms of natural and man-made environmental stress 24 hours a day. Your energy field repels and eliminates many of these energies itself. However, using your innate defence mechanisms against harmful environmental energies in this way costs you precious energy you can’t afford to lose."

Ah, the qi field is shaped like an egg, so it makes sense that the energy eggs would be too! This is a throwback to the times when plants slightly shaped like parts of the body would be used as attempted treatments for that part of the body. This never caught on with animals, probably because the thought of using snakes to treat intestinal disorders doesn't really appeal.

"Also some environmental energies remain in your energy field and start to accumulate there, causing lesions or tears in your energy field. These energetic lesions or "chakra fractures" make you increasingly vulnerable to even more environmental stresses.
The more environmental stress builds up in your body - eg. due to the electromagnetic pollution from a nearby mobile phome mast - the more it damages the life energies or forms of qi that control your health, wealth, happiness, relationships, creativity, awareness or any other area of your life. "

Skimming over the blatant rubbish at the beginning of this, I find it interesting that electromagnetic forces are viewed as such a source of pollution. You would think that, since electromagnetism is one of the four fundamental forces, responsible for pretty much everything in our lives bar gravity, the new-agers would be extolling the benefits of harnessing it. But apparently not. Far easier to tap into popular concerns about "mobile phome masts" so they can make sales.

"Unfortunately, due to lack of instrumentation, most forms of environmental stress are not yet recognised by Western science - in spite of millions of people experiencing their effects."

How exceptionally convenient.

"Common sources include certain images, buildings, synthetic fabrics, shapes, electrical devices, computers, phones and mobile phone masts, underground water - even some cars generate more environmental stress than others! Today's wireless technology (wifi, wimax, wifi-mesh, etc.) is perhaps the most challenging of all man-made environmental stresses to deal with."

In case you're vaguely curious about the "underground water" reference: this is an allusion to geopathic stress: the Earth's vibrations which rise up through the Earth and are distorted by weak electromagnetic fields created by subterranean running water, certain mineral concentrations, fault lines and underground cavities. The vibration distorted becomes abnormally high and harmful to living organisms. That's right, underground cavities are harmful, don't you know, even if you don't fall into them. That's why many new-agers don't like moles in their gardens: it isn't just the effect they have on the petunias.

But what is the energy egg, I hear you ask with vague disinterest:

"The Energy Egg is charged with over 80 forms of qi (as alcohol can be charged with the form of qi used in homeopathic medicine) by a light resonator. The Energy Egg’s shape echoes the shape of the human energy field, enabling the Energy Egg’s qi to benefit your entire energy field."

Count them, folks. Not one, not two, but eighty forms of qi! That's real value for money. And no doubt the charging of these various forms of qi requires no more than five minutes of exposure to a fluorescent light after production has finished, so it helps keeps costs down. I assume that's what is meant by "light resonator", since they don't specify. In fact both pages are very light on minor things like details, and evidence.

"Another unique feature of the Energy Egg is its ability to eliminate environmental stress already in your body. Sha chi that hasn't been grounded out in the past accumulates in your body, displacing the qi (life energy) that should be there. This accumulation of stress is called your stress burden. The Energy Egg not only protects you from incoming environmental stress but, also, is the only product that steadily reduces the stress burden you have acquired over the years."

The energy egg not only supplements your pre-existing energy field, it also reaches inside your body and removes negative energy to be found there! This is truly revolutionary. If the principles behind it were harnessed by medical science, imagine the kind of benefits that might result. Funny that that doesn't seem to have happened.

It seems that, despite its near-miraculous powers, the energy egg has limited range: it has to be kept within 1cm of your body at all times. But what if you can't carry it with you? Perhaps you have no pockets, or are worried about the negative effects on your energy field caused by the howls of derision from those you tell about this little miracle? There is a solution: the energy egg transmitter.

It may not look like much, but the transmitter connects your egg to you no matter where you are. You could be in the bathroom, at work, in another country, on the Moon. It doesn't matter! That's impressive, and also vaguely sinister. The precise mechanism by which the transmitter manages to collect the soothing properties of the egg and transmit them through the ether to directly manipulate your body's energy field is, shockingly, not mentioned. Perhaps principles of quantum inseparability are involved? Although this would mean that theoretically you would always be connected to the sources of your stress too.....let's just say that it's magic. That seems like a good solution.

"Your Energy Egg transmitter is attuned to you permanently - unless it’s touched to the top of someone else’s head. The transmitter only transmits the Energy Egg’s signal and placing anything else on it has no effect."

Because presumably the top of your cranium acts as some kind of quantum/magical nullifier.

"If you suddenly notice you’re being adversely affected by someone’s energy, hold your Energy Egg in your hand, for 10 seconds or longer, while looking at them or talking with them. Then put your Energy Egg back in your pocket. "

So basically if someone is getting you down, hold the egg for a little bit. It doesn't seem to have occurred to anyone that this sounds exactly like a stress ball, or anything else that gives you comfort for that matter. Just because you feel better while holding the egg, doesn't mean that the egg is making you feel better. Correlation does not equal causation!

"You can also make sure that you aren’t being affected by any object or piece of equipment - a picture, mirror, computer, mobile phone, etc. - by looking at that potential source of stress while performing three weaving breaths with your Energy Egg: inhale through your nose and then exhale through your mouth onto your Energy Egg. "

Taking deep, calming breaths. Yes, because this never works to make you feel calmer without a piece of egg-shaped crystal. It even cures allergic reactions:

"This means, to prevent a reaction look at the allergen while tapping your Energy Egg on the centre of your brow three times then do three weaving breaths on your Energy Egg while looking at your E-Egg. If you are already reacting to something, but don’t know what it is, do the same procedure but with your eyes closed while tapping."

But there's a caveat:

"Please bear in mind that this technique may not work for everyone. Do not try it with any substance you know or believe to be dangerous or harmful to you."

Basically it cures allergies, but you mustn't try it with anything you're allergic to. Hmm- I detect legal advice at work here. A cynical person might suspect that someone out there has tried this, only for it to backfire spectacularly.

Skipping the rest of the article, it finishes with this line that is a beautiful example of the kind of woolly-minded absurdities that these people specialise in:

"You don’t have to feel different for the Energy Egg to be working - it does its job regardless of how you feel. "

So even if you don't feel any different, the energy egg is still working.

How can people honestly believe such rubbish?

CPR (Of Sorts)

The first box sent me into fits of laughter.

Taken from here.

Clippy

Does anyone remember that annoying paperclip that would appear on old versions of Microsoft Word and offer unhelpful advice? The one that wouldn't go away, no matter how many obscenities you typed into the question box?

Well, he finally gets his come-uppance.

God Hates Snakes

I had a sudden realisation this morning. It came to me, as so many of my brilliant ideas do, while I was cleaning my flat. It's not the most exciting of tasks, and so my mind tends to wander (which it does as a general rule, but that's not the point). When the idea came to me, I examined it, and decided that it made a lot of sense.

God hates snakes.

The source of this wisdom is to be found, as with so much of the sum total of human knowledge, within the pages of the book of Genesis (stop laughing). I'm specifically referring to Genesis 3, the story of how a man and woman cursed our entire species and the universe as a whole when they decided they fancied an apple for lunch (I said, stop laughing!). It's not entirely their fault, of course, they were convinced into it by a talking snake. Or possibly Satan masquerading as a snake.

An aside- it's not mentioned in the Bible, but surely the snake couldn't be the only animal apart from Adam and Eve to be able to talk? Not only that, but since the snake could talk, it was obviously sentient as well, that must have been the case for other animals too. I can imagine rather cute scenes with a lion lying down next to a lamb, perhaps wondering to itself why it has such sharp teeth when all it eats are nuts, berries and fruit. Or the strange and fantastic adventures of the berry-juice-drinking leeches. The Fall must have come as quite a shock to all of them. But I'm getting diverted.

I'm sure you all know the snake's punishment when a vengeful but apparently inattentive omniscient God found out what had been going on. In his great rage the Lord told the snake that it would be cursed as no other animal would ever be; fated to crawl on its stomach and eat dust all the days of its life. The snake and the human would also forever be enemies. No more happy evenings playing snakes and ladders, sadly.

There are two interpretations of the snake, as I mentioned earlier. Either it was Satan, who had taken the decision to play dress-up that day, or a genuine serpent. The former option is much loved by the majority of religious people who like to push the idea of evil forces, and humanity being tempted by said forces. Let's look at that option first.

So Satan manifests himself as a snake, and manipulates Eve (it’s always the woman’s fault in these myths) into eating the apple and getting Adam to do so. God’s response: not to punish Satan. Oh, no. Instead, he punishes the poor species which Satan had taken the shape of!

You can picture the scene: a group of snakes clambering up and down trees with their little legs, chatting to each other about niggling things like why they’re able to sense heat and have hollow fangs when all they do is eat fruit. All of a sudden, they fall off the trees, and when they’ve recovered they find that their legs have disappeared, and all the nice fruit they were eating has apparently turned to dust in their mouths. And they probably can’t talk any more either.

Harsh. And the Lord is not a vengeful God (if you ignore the Old Testament), so it must be the second option, that Adam and Eve were tricked by a single snake.

Still seems a little unfair though, doesn’t it? The actions of this single snake led to God punishing its entire species, and all its descendants. I bet all the other snakes must have been really pissed off with it when it eventually slithered its way back to them. “Damn it, Hubert”, they probably said (or hissed).

In summary: whether it was Satan or a single snake that was responsible, the species as a whole really got hammered by the Almighty with some pretty harsh punishments. It’s hardly the action of a loving, fair and beneficent deity, so the conclusion is obvious: God hates snakes.

After all, he would really have to hate a species to punish it and its descendants collectively for the actions of one or a few of its members.

Hang on a minute…..